A Modern Christian Mystics Diary

December 12, 2022
"Prologue" Dreams:
I remember receiving documents and payments I put into my "official" file, before hurrying over to place the folder's contents in a machine that will officially scan everything. But when I retrace my steps for a few moments to check on something, when I return to to the “scanning pavilion” I’m confronted with lines of people waiting for and already using several rows of these "personal identity scanning machines". Not knowing what's become of my own documents, I begin to panic because the machine I left them in is now being used by someone else. What happened to all my papers?!
Fortunately, I become aware that my distress has drawn the attention of a young man in dark attire subtly evocative of a police officer's. Hurrying to meet him, I quickly tell him what happened. . .  

I don't recall seeing that folder again before I'm caught up in other eventful dream dramas, including a very frightening one with a man luring and forcing me into what was literally the dark alley of death from which there was no escape, at least not for him because, somehow, I manage not to disappear along with him. . .
THE Dream
I'm standing directly in front of a priest, whose face is slightly above but very close to mine. I sense more than see a younger priest standing to his right. The three of us are at the front of what looks and feels like a very old stone church, with tall white arches framing the absolute blackness of the night outside. I perceive no altar or candles, only white stone swathed in darkness even while mysteriously keeping it at bay. And yet I can clearly see the priest's sun-bronzed face as I keep my attention reverently focused on him. And suddenly, his deep clear voice enhanced by the surrounding silence, he says to me in a quiet yet commanding voice:

Prepare to bow down and receive the Power of the Cross!”

Then he performs a supernatural action. He pulls me down with him so our bodies (without any sense of physical contact) are parallel to each other's and to the church floor. And after a heart beat or two, we rise up in unison to once more stand facing each other. 
After the third time he performs this action, in obedience to unspoken instructions I turn around and, walking a few feet deeper into the church, resume my seat in the front row of wooden pews. At this point, I become aware of a white fabric wrapped loosely around me which isn't very long, and seems composed of three narrow bands of cloth between which the flesh of my upper body is exposed. My legs and feet are bare, and as I sat down, I heard one or more of the women around me murmuring, "Wow!" My place is directly across from the small group of vested figures (the priest, the young man, and a third shadowy figure) and as I look down humbly, I think with awestruck joy: I needed a priest like this and He delivered! God delivered! Gratefully stunned, I almost miss the moment when we all rise, and gathering around the priests begin following them out of the church and into the night.
Dream Notes:
Wow. Just wow! And not surprisingly, there was a fine pure veil of snow cloaking my black car this morning. It was no longer snowing, and outside in the dark walking my dog Arthur soon afterward, I saw the still mostly full moon poised directly above my bedroom (in which flickered a battery-powered votive candle affixed to a window) as white plumes of smoke from the gas heater flowed across the moon's luminous face like a diaphanous veil. I thought of St. Therese de Lisieux, and how the Lord gifted her a gentle snowfall for their wedding night the day she took her perpetual vows. I remember reading this excerpt from her autobiography decades ago (I was still just a teenager) and being awed as well as gripped with wonder at the intimacy of her faith. I thought, God was her Beloved Bridegroom?! Even back then I felt my soul wanting this for my self, and yet it seemed impossible I could actually aspire to such transcendent depths and heights of faith. And of course I couldn’t. . . Decades later, God saved me through dreams so He could bless me with them!
I keep hearing and echoing in my mind the priest's command, "Bow down and prepare to receive the power of the Cross!" This dream feels like my soul's own mysterious personal Advent. The motion performed by the priest with me is reminiscent of how the first converts to the Faith were fully immersed in water. And yet it was also different, because what happened in my dream is physically impossible. I am in awe. I will always and forever be in awe!
UPDATE January 3, 2023

Monday Evening to Tuesday Morning, Three King's Feast January 2-3, 2023

NEVER will I forget yesterday evening. Jesus healed me. To make a long story very short, I have been conscious of a "tiny black speck" of lingering materialistic dread at the core of my being akin to an evil cancerous tumor in nearly complete remission but still there, the result of the poisonous materialistic atmosphere of the world in which I was born and raised, exacerbated by loving and living with an atheist for ten years before moving on to a hedonistic agnostic scientist. Even after the miracle of my complete transformation through the power of the Holy Spirit initially unleashed in my dream life, that tiny yet infinite black speck of dread remained.

And so yesterday evening (after spending all day working on a handful of Holy Haiku) I really felt I couldn't take it anymore; that I simply could not "Keep Moving Forward" (as I was commanded to do in my first fully lucid dream) into a deeper intimacy with my Lord while that black tumor of materialistic angst still plagued me. In desperation, I grabbed our Lady's hand through the statue I keep of her on my dresser and begged her help with this. Then walking over to my desk, I pleaded for my Guardian Angel's help, asking Him to send my desperate prayer up to God. And last but not least I went to my open Bible, and the words printed in red at the bottom of the right page which I had yet to read. (This is the first time I have obeyed this hierarchy of prayer, which I only learned about recently as I began reading Devotion to the Holy Angels.)
And the lightning from heaven struck!

“Is it easier to say to the paralyzed man ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk’? So I will prove to you that the Son of Man has the authority on earth to forgive sins.” Then Jesus turned to the paralyzed man and said, “Stand up, pick up your mat, and go home.”

“And the man jumped up, grabbed his mat, and walked out through the stunned onlookers. They were all amazed and praised God, exclaiming, “We’ve never seen anything like this before!”


Mark 9-12
I immediately dictated this Haiku into my phone:

Materialism
the paralytic's mat
I walk with Jesus
No words can describe my joy and relief knowing I would never, could never, forget this miracle! If with my bodily eyes I had seen our Lady, my Guardian Angel and Jesus step into my bedroom I could not have been more certain in the depths of my being that Christ had just healed me!
And yet as often happens with my most profound dreams and experiences, I fully intended not to write about this, or about the "tiny poem" so easy to remember should my "old" self be tempted to call to mind that "tumor" of mortal dread. For how could I possibly doubt my Lord after my absolute certainty He had healed me? It would be like the paralytic in the Reading doubting he had been healed even as he stood up and walked. Jesus told him to go home, and I feel that I'm finally truly fully Home now in the faith I've been growing into since that first blessed lucid dream. 
I also hadn't planned to speak of this to Mami, merely to email her the Haiku, but naturally I immediately called her and told her everything, and she sent me this reply:
Mami:
This is a perfectly awesome holy haiku!!! As Romano Guardini says in The inner life of Jesus: "By healing, Jesus revealed Himself in action. . . To make men penetrate to the reality of the living God, that is why Christ healed."
Me:
Thank you for that quote. My entire being was penetrated in a flash, and that black tumor-like speck of materialistic dread vanished finally once and for all without a trace. Jesus healed me! He is still with us and healing souls. And even as I write this, I wonder if my dream came true, the one in which the priest said to me, "Prepare to bow down and receive the power of the cross." Yes! I DID receive it!
THANKS BE TO GOD AND PRAISE BE TO OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST FOREVER! Amen
Mami: Yes!
HOME