A Modern Christian Mystics Diary

October 28, 2022
When I trust every moment of the day to my Lord God, relaxed yet poised in faith (my soul akin to a Lady in the arms of her dance partner Who is also her Betrothed) and resist stumbling into doubts and sadness, God faithfully presents me with a consolation; with just what I need to see and know and experience and read and so forth so that I don't fall out of step. Instead, I feel the joy of knowing He never leaves me alone; that we are all-ways together.

There is no such thing as coincidence.
There is all-ways only God.

Of course, I'm sad in the heart of my joy because I cannot see or hear my Beloved, yet the truth is He constantly "speaks" to and comforts me.
At a loss on this particular morning,  I wandered downstairs thinking to enjoy an early lunch so I could escape into an audio book (written as well as read by a man because although I don't miss my Godless ex, I do miss male "energy" in my daily life.) But for some reason I just walked through the kitchen and down into the basement, where a boxed book I had years ago placed in a bookshelf built into the staircase caught my eye. I pulled it out, and kneeling on the low platform that separates the cold stone floor from the carpeted area where I keep my wine, I opened it. . . 
There was a veritable explosion of colorful note cards with sacred paintings on one side, and written words from Scripture on the other. And as I read one that pierced my heart like an arrow, the sun suddenly poured down upon me through the little window approximately six feet above me on ground level. And at once my low spirits revived for the Light was the Lord! 

Closing my eyes and lifting my face toward the light, I was transported out of myself. . . I was floating in a vast golden brilliance blooming with subtly colorful geometric patterns all around me as the sun's life-giving and sustaining light streamed into the black holes of my pupils through the veil of my closed eyelids. Gazing in awe at this luminous vastness radiating from the distant point on which I focused, I felt and knew God had designed us so we could feel as I did now - that I was, in truth, meeting my Creator's eye in these moments where light and love, longing and hope were one ordinary yet transcendent experience.

Then pressing the palms of my hands firmly against my closed eyes and lowering my head, I found myself immersed in a wonderfully soothing deep green-blue hue. Profoundly reassured and deeply refreshed, I hurried back up to my third floor bedroom and strove to capture this experience with words.

“There can be no greater Lord than God; neither can there be a more ardent lover than He. Far from despising our confidence in Him, He rejoices that we have it, confidence and familiarity and affection like that which little children show.”


Alphonsus Liguori, How to Converse with God
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